Post by Arthur Kirkland on Aug 8, 2010 4:34:41 GMT -5
ARTHUR KIRKLAND
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“If I hear one more person call me ‘Iggy’ or ‘Arty’, I may have to have it out with him right there and then. Sorry to have to begin on such a sour note, but I cannot stand nicknames. Call me Arthur, please and thank you.”
I HAVE TO ASK: MALE, FEMALE, OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN?
“You honestly feel the need to ask? Obviously I’m male. Goodness, I never would have thought that my picture made me look in any way androgynous….”
GOOD, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY. NOW, HOW OLD ARE YOU EXACTLY?
“I turned twenty this year, on April 23rd. Ah, I once had a friend who was very fond of that astrology business. Apparently I’m a Taurus, whatever that means.”
WELL, YOU LOOK YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE. HOW DO YOU STAY IN SHAPE?
“Well I am merely twenty to begin with; of course I look young! I play football and cricket, on occasion. At home, I tend to ride around the countryside a lot, so I suppose you could count me as an equestrian.”
I WOULD NEVER HAVE CONSIDERED THAT GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
“You Americans and your movie stars! I honestly couldn’t care less, sorry. Oh, are you asking about my own sexuality? That’s rather personal, isn’t it? Well, alright then, I suppose I can admit to looking at men every once in awhile. Er, well, more often than once in awhile….”
WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
“I enjoy reading a good novel, working on my embroidery, cooking, dabbling in the art of magic… and before you even say anything, embroidery does not detract at all from my masculinity, thank you very much. Honestly, everybody bothers me about this, but excuse me for preferring more sophisticated past-times! I’ll have you know that without the skilful fingers of many a woman and man, the world would be a very different, ugly place. On another note, I will also have you know that my cooking is delightful, and anything anybody else ever tells you about it is perfectly false. Indigestion isn’t that horrible. And it probably wasn’t my fault, anyway! God knows what other junk you people snack on!”
DON'T WORRY, THIS IS ALL CONFIDENTIAL. GO AHEAD, TELL US WHAT YOU ENJOY.
“Pardon, but I just answered this. I don’t understa- oh… oh, alright. I also enjoy… well… I do have a lovely six-string that I will pluck at on occasion. Not that I should be confused with any of those young rebellious types who go around with their hair down to their knees and their clothing ripped, screaming on stage until God knows when in the morning, smoking and drinking their brains out and- okay, perhaps, on occasion, a good pint, or, er, smoke is nice too….”
WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES?
“Oh, I could go on and on. Poor grammar, for starters, bothers me to no end. Honestly, it isn’t that difficult to tell the difference between ‘they’re’ and ‘their’, or ‘to’ and ‘too’! The fact that Americans find it okay to omit the letter ‘u’ from dozens of the words that they borrowed from my exquisite homeland’s language, good lord that bothers me as well. Oh, and Frenchmen get on my bloody nerves, with their horrid, pretentious accents and – I’ll not continue, since I would never be able to stop myself.”
I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT. SO, ARE YOU GOOD AT ANYTHING?
"Well, as I said above, I am quite a master of embroidery. That doesn’t seem to be good enough for you people, however, so I suppose I can come up with something else. I pride myself in an excellent grasp of the English language, so naturally I enjoy writing. I also believe that I deliver Shakespearean monologues rather well, and I enjoy creating small figurines out of wood, such as forest sprites and fairies. …Stop giving me that look! I’m not a bloody nancy boy, good lord. The fact that I’ve eyed the occasional fellow is irrelevant. Just… just give me the next question!”
THAT'S INTERESTING, NOW WHAT ARE YOU NOT SO GOOD AT?
"Oh, must I answer this? Well, everybody says that I’m a horrid cook, but bollocks if I’ll believe them! They’re probably just trying to get on my nerves, anyhow. In my opinion, my cooking is absolutely perfect. I mean, everything tastes better when it has been slightly burnt, right? Moving on, I suppose I could say that I’m not the first person that one would pick for one’s sports team. I can’t help that I wasn’t exactly built for what you Americans so wrongfully call ‘football’."
I BET I CAN BEAT YOU IN A THUMB WRESTLE AND HOLD MY BREATHE LONGER THAN YOU AT THE SAME TIME.
“First of all, you mean breath, not breathe. Proper grammar is the first step to success! Secondly, I would challenge you, but you seem rather, ah, determined. Quite frankly, I would rather not battle it out, so to speak, with one as, er… hyper as you seem to be. No hard feelings, I hope.”
YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY. OH WELL, SAY, WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES DO YOU LIKE IN A SPOUSE?
"Another rather… personal question, don’t you think? Why must I answer this? I’m applying for school, am I not? Ugh, fine, er… I do tend to like it if he has a nice smile. Yes, a nice smile is very important. I’d rather not be with someone who is positively mad, typing in capitals all the time. Yes, I am looking at you, sir."
OH, I GUESS I'M NOT YOUR TYPE THEN, EH? WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND UNATTRACTIVE IN A PERSON?
"No, you most certainly are not, sorry. I would rather that he wasn’t cold toward me… I’d prefer the opposite, in fact. I certainly do not like it when one is overly obnoxious, however."
FINE, BE LIKE THAT. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAYS.
"As long as that doesn’t affect my chances of getting into this school, I really don’t mind. Wanker.”
OK, WE'RE GONNA PLAY A GAME. I'M GOING TO ASK SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS, AND YOUR GOING TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND, OK?
"Er, alright. I suppose I wouldn’t mind that."
FAVORITE FOOD?
“If tea doesn’t count, I would have to say scones. Or perhaps fish and chips. Meat pies are delightful as well… goodness, there are too many things to choose from!”
FAVORITE SUBJECT?
“Oh, English Literature, definitely.”
FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND SEASON?
“Bonfire Night, certainly! There’s something magical about watching the flames engulf our stuffed guy and lick the crisp November air. Regarding the seasons, I quite enjoy autumn. The name and the weather are both lovely.”
FAVORITE WORD?
“Soliloquy, especially for its meaning.”
FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
“Midday, I would say.”
FAVORITE COLOR?
“A mossy green, perhaps slightly murky. Earthy colours.”
WELL, WASN'T THAT FUN? ON TO THE SERIOUS SHIT. TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.
"Haven’t you picked up enough about me from the last hundred questions you asked? I am respectable, learned, sophisticated and quite the gentleman, if I do say so myself, but I do tend to get rather angry when bothered. Look mate, this has been… er, lovely, but get on with it, please."
MHMM, AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
"…Really. You must ask this question, really? If there is one thing you should know about me, it would be to NEVER bring those bastards up. I will simply say that I have three brothers, all of whom are complete idiots. I hope to never have to associate with them again, but hell if they won’t stop trying to get on my nerves. You think I’m too harsh? Well you didn’t have to hide out in the forest for two nights when you were five years old because your bloody arsehole siblings decided that it would be funny to chase after you with the ‘toy’ crossbow mummy and daddy had gotten us for Christmas!"
Arthur seems to need a moment to calm down. He paces for a few minutes, before taking a deep breath and returning to his seat.
VERY INTERESTING. SO HOW DID YOU END UP IN THIS COLLEGE?
"Honestly, I don’t know why I chose America, of all places. I would have stayed in England if I hadn’t wanted to just… get away from my darling brothers. I do miss Britain, though… I really, really do. This place was an easy escape, and I suppose it is rather nice, after all."
AWESOME. WHAT SORT OF CAREER WILL YOU GO INTO THEN?
"I currently work in a used bookstore near the college campus. It’s a nice establishment, so I don’t mind it. One day, I hope to publish my own book, maybe teach history for awhile, or perhaps even own a quaint little shop back in England where I can sell the products of my trade.”
OMGWTFBBQ?!? WELL, LOOK AT THAT. I'VE NEVER SEEN A GENIE ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE. WHAT ARE YOUR THREE WISHES?
"'Oh…em…gee…doubl-' what? Um, I highly doubt that, but I suppose if I must answer; I wish to be back in England soon, I wish to never have to associate with my bastard brothers ever again, and I wish for this interview to be over already."
WOW, WASN'T THAT FASCINATING?
"Er, honestly? No, not really. It was rather ridiculous.”
SO, YOU, UH, WITH ANYBODY AT THE PRESENT MOMENT?
"No. And don’t you dare ask me yourself, you mad plonker.”
WELL, YOU WANNA GO OUT SOME TIME? WHERE CAN I TAKE YA?
"Did you not hear what I just said? Goodness! You would probably take me to some silly laser… attack… quest… thing, anyway. Ugh.”
HEY, IF YOUR NOT BUSY FRIDAY...WANNA GO OUT?
"Bloody hell, it’s ‘you’re’, not ‘your’! I just told you – no thank you!"
ALRIGHT, WHATEVER/COOL. THIS INTERVIEW IS COMING TO AN END. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?
"Yes, there is one thing. I would like to file a report on the conduct of this college’s interviewers, please. I have had a most unpleasant experience and I don’t believe that your… er, method is the best way to welcome students. You deserve an evaluation and, if I were your superior, you would be immediately sacked. Now let me get back to my books."
THIS FAKE INTERVIEWER DUDE GUY WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS.
"What the bloody hell do you mean?! Bollocks, where’s the damned door? Let me out!”
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DAI/PANDA has been trying to escape this doggone planet for NEARLY SIXTEEN years, but she has found herself stuck in the vortex of role playing for FOUR years. Too bad. We could have busted her out if she didn't live all the way in the EASTERN timezone. you can always reach her at X.DAIROKKAN.X@GMAIL.COM.
ok, well, i'll just take your paperwork and be going:
Arthur Kirkland, second-in-command, quartermaster, first mate – whatever you would call him – strolled along the upper flight deck of the [ship’s name], surveying the blue skies that surrounded him. It was a fresh day, the few clouds that floated in view were pleasantly fluffy, and the temperature wasn’t too cool, nor too warm. A light breeze whirled in from the east, wove through Arthur’s hair and kissed his cheeks goodbye as it went on to greet the rest of the world, and the quartermaster let the scent of the morning wash over him. “This is it,” he breathed, closing his eyes and listening to the quiet rustle of the fabric below him. “This is perfection.”
Arthur stood there for a good five minutes, taking the time to relax before he got down to his quotidian duties. Breathing in and out, he felt every rise and fall of the elegant vehicle below him no matter how miniscule, and he mentally praised her daily, steadfast efforts to keep her rowdy crew in the air.
Knowing that his unscheduled leisure time would come with a price if he didn’t get to work soon, Arthur reconnected with reality, straightened his cuffs and turned on his heel, heading back down to the main deck. The ship was already bustling with activity despite the early hour, but this was only to be expected. The [ship’s name]’s crew was as dedicated to her as she was to them.
“Right then, mates! It’s a brand new day, and we have quite the job ahead of us!” Arthur stood in the middle of the deck, addressing everyone in earshot. “The Captain will be out soon to make sure you lazy bastards are working hard, so you had all better get to it! You mates remember that he expects a bloody fine price from that ship we’ve been tracking all week long, and we’re due to board her today. Make sure this beauty’s in top shape-” he paused, “And for God’s sake, men! Take a bleedin’ bath once in awhile! I can smell the shite off your rags from here!” Shaking his head, he began to walk in the direction of the captain’s quarters. “That’ll be all, back to work!”
[[From a Steampunk AU RP]]
Arthur stood there for a good five minutes, taking the time to relax before he got down to his quotidian duties. Breathing in and out, he felt every rise and fall of the elegant vehicle below him no matter how miniscule, and he mentally praised her daily, steadfast efforts to keep her rowdy crew in the air.
Knowing that his unscheduled leisure time would come with a price if he didn’t get to work soon, Arthur reconnected with reality, straightened his cuffs and turned on his heel, heading back down to the main deck. The ship was already bustling with activity despite the early hour, but this was only to be expected. The [ship’s name]’s crew was as dedicated to her as she was to them.
“Right then, mates! It’s a brand new day, and we have quite the job ahead of us!” Arthur stood in the middle of the deck, addressing everyone in earshot. “The Captain will be out soon to make sure you lazy bastards are working hard, so you had all better get to it! You mates remember that he expects a bloody fine price from that ship we’ve been tracking all week long, and we’re due to board her today. Make sure this beauty’s in top shape-” he paused, “And for God’s sake, men! Take a bleedin’ bath once in awhile! I can smell the shite off your rags from here!” Shaking his head, he began to walk in the direction of the captain’s quarters. “That’ll be all, back to work!”
[[From a Steampunk AU RP]]
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say hold up, wait a minute. let me put some pimpin' in
it! yep, that's right, this sexy application template was made
by yours truly: CHRISS a.k.a. LENNY GOT LAID ?! @
CAUTION 2.0.
[/right]it! yep, that's right, this sexy application template was made
by yours truly: CHRISS a.k.a. LENNY GOT LAID ?! @
CAUTION 2.0.